Mom, interrupted

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to be a mom. I would babysit for family and neighbors through my teenage years, and eventually go on to college to become an elementary school teacher. I loved kids. Maternal instincts ran deep, and i hoped to have a child with that man I married. I kept trying to get him to agree to starting a family, but I was met with resistance. It was never a matter of not wanting a kid, it was more "oh crap, I have to become a responsible adult if that happens!"

As the years went by, adopting cats became my substitute. 3 cats became my "kids" over a four year period. Firmly in my early 30's, I was not old, per se, just marching towards the age where if I wasn't a mom by then, I never would be.

In 2003 I turned 35 and both the hubby and I found ourselves unemployed. PERFECT conditions for starting a family. Television programming one day in September was mediocre and we had nothing better to do. So, some months and a refi later, we welcomed a son in late May of 2004.

From that moment on, I have been interrupted. My sleep, my phone calls, my meals, my thoughts...unfinished. On rare occasions I'm allowed a moment in the bathroom to complete at least ONE thing! Mostly it's when the boy is at school or sleeping, that I can being and finish anything!

It comes with the territory, part of the bargain, in the fine print of the contract that no one but $300 a minute lawyers reads. Complaining was useless and all I'd get from others (who had children themselves) was an eye roll, a snicker and a half assed "oh that's too bad". I could however, commiserate with my mom. She was thrilled being a Nana and gave me much needed reassurance that I was going to be fine, without sounding condescending.

Pre mommy hood, I used to see parents try to carry on conversations with others, constantly side-tracked by their children butting in, asking questions or demanding their attention. I felt confident I would not allow that to happen to me. Well, I'm pleased to announce that I'm human. I would by far, rather be a mom interrupted, than just me, with complete sentences.

As I type this, I'm asked to cuddle. I guess I'm finished here. Good night.

In the sleep of the night

That's what I'm lacking....sleep. With the lack of sleep comes irritability, and with that frowny, unhappy people in my house. I need a palatable form of caffeine everyday, without fail and I think the medical community would agree that caffeine is good for you. The health benefits abound for me as well as for those in my proximity. My husband some months ago lost his mind and decided to forgo coffee, energy drinks, and soda all at once. I was crushed. I felt abandoned in my addiction and was annoyed that I could no longer find empathy from the man I vowed to spend the rest of my life with.

My lack of sleep is genetic. Not through heredity, but from my genes I contributed to an offspring. He crawls in between the spouse and me, making himself quite comfortable. A kick to the kidney, a slap across the face is a regular routine as he spreads out overtaking the space like kudzu. I want to put him back in his own bed, but I'm too darn tired to drag myself up to accomplish that goal. So I become contorted and uncomfortable, doze on and off only to be rudely awakened by a jazzy number from the OLD Blackberry that has been sent to pasture as an alarm clock.

As much as I try to detox, I can't. I have cut down, and we no longer buy soda for the house, but I will continue to feed the monster. If stranded on an island, the one item I would want to have is my Keurig. As long as people pick, roast and grind those precious beans, I will forever pay my dealer for that drug.

As I sit here on the sofa, exhausted, I'm almost too tired to turn off the tv and go to bed when I have the chance. I don't mind being tired, really. It may seem strange to embrace sleep deprivation, but the reason I am is worth it. I'll long for the days when my child wanted to snuggle and wish for him to be this age again. I will take full advantage of days like this. I'll sleep later.

Parenting 101

I've thought about resorting to treating my child like wildlife when he's having a meltdown. The other day I missed the turn onto a street we've taken to school for 2 1/2 years. My bad. I zoned out, goofed, whatever...I made a minor mistake. Unfortunately, that did not sit well with Mr. Pissy Pants. The disdain reached a crescendo and for a moment I wished I was a Game Warden and could turn around and shoot a tranquilizer dart into his neck, downing him like an elephant. Of course I would never do anything to hurt him, but it's like having the Tazmanian Devil in the backseat and I'm trapped in a moving vehicle with no end in sight. After I came back to reality and assured my co-pilot that all was well, he eventually did calm down and we arrived at school unscathed. I continued on to work, wanting to stop by a 7 Eleven for something to calm my nerves, but showing up to the office slurring my words would be sub optimal. I cope. I am mom. It's what I do.

Morning coffee, all alone

It's just about 7 am, on a weekend, Saturday to be exact, and it's quiet. All I hear are the clicks from my iPad as I type, and the tocks from the clock on the wall. This is the time I like best, and hate most of all. While I savor the serenity before all hell breaks loose, I also feel alone and bored. I know I can't have it all, but damn it, I can have my fantasy can't I? My solitude is broken for a moment by the nasal featurings of the hubby and son who occupy the space that was, at one point, my place of slumber. Oh great, I hear thump, thump, thump, cough, cough. Someone will be joining me shortly. Sigh...weekends used to be a time for me to sleep past 6:30 am, but that all changed 7.5 years ago and have disappeared into the abyss. I LOVE being a mom, and when I became one for the first time at 36, I was considered by the doctor as one of "Adavanced Maternal Age". What a blow to the psyche! That small person is the love of my life and I wouldn't trade my status as mom for ANYTHING. The silence has been broken by a "Good morning mama" and a toot for good measure. He's his father's son! The day is poised to start, and I am reminded of what is wonderful in my life and I should just roll with it. Resistance is futile and just plain stupid. Good morning world!

Why?

Why do some people think dousing themselves with cologne as a substitute for bathing?